The doc visit....

Well he went to see the doctor and they said that most often with this cancer the person usually has 3-6 months. But with his advanced state they could not even give 3 months. We were told to enjoy every moment we could with him and keep things around him as peaceful as possible. You cry and cry, knowing whats coming but still you always have hope. To have it laid out in such a manner before you is a fresh blow to an already damaged emotional grid.

Police: N.C. girl may have been missing as long as last month - CNN.com

Police: N.C. girl may have been missing as long as last month - CNN.com: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

With everything wrong in this world that can't be helped and healed why is it that so many epic fails are happening? So many children and ppl gone missing and yet no one knows where they are. I find this disturbing, nauseating, and heartbreakingly sad.

He goes back to see the doc tomorrow

So he goes back to see the doc tomorrow and they will see how fast his cancer is progressing and give us a time frame. He's gone down so fast that I just don't think he'll be here come Christmas. It's in so many places and he's just so weak now. He can't be up and about for more than 15-20 minutes and he's got to lay down and rest, catch his breath. I'm trying to keep a brave face. Keeping the little things done around the house here so nothing will pile up too bad if I have to be with mom for a few days or so. The details of his burial and such have already been decided, he's getting his affairs in order just like the doc told him to do last time he went. I told mom that I wasn't sure I wanted to know what the doc said tomorrow but I do. She told me if I didn't want to know she'd keep it from me. But I do want to know, I want to spend as much time with him as I can. I love him, the kids love their Pawpaw. He's a great man.

Be click happy here, help the world.

Watching the downward spiral

Well we spent the day with them yesterday and his cheeks have taken a sunken in appearance now. Mom was upset and after a bit of crying I actually managed to make her smile, having the kids there for the day seemed to help her. He seems to be handling it well mentally and emotionally, he's getting everything done so when he dies mom won't have to worry about it. Cremation, no funeral, these are his wishes. Although he's said that the immediate loved ones could get together and have a small memorial. And his last wishes will be honored, there will only be a small memorial. He finds out next week what kind of a time line we're looking at. I am trying to be there for mom all I can. She's a strong woman and I'm sure she'll handle this in her own way but I am also sure that I will always be there. It's all I can do now I guess, just be there.

Terminal

Well they did it, they used a horrible word, terminal. They told him to get his affairs in order. The cancer is too far gone to even treat at this point. My hubs and I are taking the kids over tomorrow and we're spending the day. My mom is still not in too good of shape and she needs me to help with some things just in case she has to call Hospice in. I am taking my camera and tripod so I can get some pics of him with the kiddies while we're there. I'd like to get a pic of him and my mom together, something for her. I am hoping I can make it through the day with him without a complete breakdown, he doesn't need that right now. He goes back to the doc on the 13th, they'll give him a time frame then, after they see how fast it's actually moving. But he got a lot of his tests back and he's got cancer in his esophagus, lymph nodes, stomach, and pancreas. Yesterday they gave him 2 pints of blood and drained a gallon and a quart of fluid off his stomach in an effort to make him breather better. He was supposed to get a flu shot but because he is terminal he was told he couldn't have it. I've cried on and off for days now, my eyes are puffy and I am just brokenheartedly depressed. He is pretty weak now and isn't expected ot make it till Christmas at this point but we will know more on the 13th. 

What do you do now?

They say he has cancer, that it's bad, all over. There isn't much hope and the old man (spoken affectionately) is dying. He's 76 and he's lived a full life but for years he's been a dad to me, a grandfather to my kids and even knowing how old he is I am heartbroken. I don't want him to die, I just can't fathom the thought of not being able to call and talk to him. I love that old man more than he will ever know, he's old school and I love you's aren't common place for him. He has cancer in his lymph nodes and stomach, and a mass that is now closing off his esophagus. He is having a bit of trouble breathing, he can't eat without throwing up. He's lost 50 pounds in a small amount of time, in short he's dying. What do I do now?